Top 10 Things I Love About Grocery Shopping With A Hangover

(alternatively titled “Drunken Supermarket Sweep”)

10. Samples.

Good Lord above, do I love samples. So few grocery stores hit you with 'em anymore, and it's a crying shame if you ask me. I mean, you don't even have to eat on a day that involves a Costco run. Just keep circling the frozen food areas until you've stuffed yourself senseless with French Bread Pizza, Swedish Meatballs and Pigs In A Blanket.

I completely lose the ability to discriminate between good and bad food when its being presented to me at the corner of an aisle, cut up into bite-sized pieces by a granny in a hairnet.

9. Enormous hunks of cured meat.

There are very few things I could live comfortably inside and eat my way out of. This sweet baby's one of 'em. A beached whale might be another.

8. Guacamole with no avocado in it.

What kind of namby-pamby eats guacamole with actual AVOCADO in it? Pshhh. That's not gonna put hair on your chest. Be a real man and step up to the plate with some partially hydrogenated oils, corn syrup, food starch, yellow dye and blue dye.

I enjoy stirring mine with a Camel no-filter, pouring in a little Drano when I'm feeling sassy, and scooping it into my mouth with sheets of lead.

7. Ready-made meals for lazy people.

Personally, I'm the kind of "keeper" that only knows how to make meals with three ingredients in it. Once a year or so, when I've gotta "cook" for the Ol' Man, I just nuke one of these suckers for 5 minutes, slip it onto a platter, throw the packaging in a dumpster, and turn the oven on like this hot mess just came out of it.

6. Easy-Mac.

When I'm "cooking" for myself, three ingredients is two ingredients too many. The only thing separating me from this cheezy bliss is a cup of hot water. CHECK.

5. Carbonated color therapy.

How can you NOT buy something when you walk down an aisle like this? This aisle is to your supermarket as Disneyland is to Anaheim. It's the shining beacon of fantasy glimmering in an otherwise cruel reality. Not a single one of these carburetor cleaners is remotely ingestible, but who cares? There's a sudden spring in your step, a soft glaze of the eyes and WHAM! Pineapple Fanta in your cart.

4. Nutty knockoffs.

There are three things I love about this particular faux-brand:

A. The brazen shamelessness of the identical packaging (see prominently featured wheat stalks and logo placement)

B. I'm sincerely baffled by the fact that there's room on this planet for TWO types of breakfast gravel.

C. Doesn't the name make you giggle like a stoner? I mean, just say it to yourself. Nutty Nuggets. Huheh.

3. Childhood Obeseables.

Now with 20% flavoring solution!

2. Big-lady clothing with regional identifiers.

When the items in your cart don't tell the world that you've given up on life, your wardrobe can!

1. Recession-Themed Special Edition Ice Cream.

Because nothing tastes better after you lose your job, your home, your 401(k), your health-care and your will to live than a scoop of ice cream that tastes like its laughing at you.

Fudge & Sea Salt Brownies

I brought these into work the other day and they were a huge hit. Everyone in the office was clamoring for more. The salt makes the brownies taste extra chocolaty and fudgy. The recipe is very easy to follow. Just be sure to use good chocolate -- I use Scharffen Berger unsweetened baking chocolate and Valhrona cocoa powder -- and don't overbake the brownies. These look really pretty if you sprinkle them with a bit of flaky sea salt like Maldon just before they finish baking or right as you take them out of the oven. After baking and cooling as directed in the recipe, the brownies can be refrigerated for three days or frozen up to one month.




Ingredients

1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter
2 ounces unsweetened chocolate, finely chopped (it helps if chocolate has been refrigerated or if knife is cold)
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa
2 cups sugar
3 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon Maldon sea salt

Directions

• Preheat the oven to 350°.
• Line a 9-inch square metal cake pan with foil, draping the foil over the edges. Lightly butter the foil.
• In a large saucepan, melt the butter with the unsweetened chocolate over very low heat, stirring occasionally. Remove from the heat. Whisking them in one at a time until thoroughly incorporated, add the cocoa, sugar, eggs, vanilla and flour. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and smooth the surface. Sprinkle the salt evenly over the batter. Using a butter knife, swirl the salt into the batter.
• Bake the brownies in the center of the oven for about 35 minutes, until the edge is set but the center is still a bit soft and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out coated with a little of the batter. Let the brownies cool at room temperature in the pan for 1 hour, then refrigerate just until they are firm, about 1 hour. Lift the brownies from the pan and peel off the foil.
• Cut the brownies into 16 squares. Serve at room temperature.

Note: This recipe is from Food & Wine magazine.

Kiss my Bundt Bakery

After brunch at Little Next Door this morning, I decided to check out Kiss My Bundt Bakery http://www.kissmybundt.net/. Kiss My Bundt is devoted almost entirely to (you guessed it) bundt cakes. The bakery offers three sizes of bundt cake -- Mini Bundt, Baby Bundts, and Big Ol' Bundts. Big Ol' Bundts are available only by special order, and I didn't see too many Baby Bundts in the case, but not to worry -- the Mini Bundts are the perfect size for these moist yummy cakes! There are 32 flavors of bundt, and various frostings to choose from. The 8 most popular flavors are offered every day:

1. Callebaut® Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Glaze
2. Callebaut® Chocolate Cake with Vanilla Buttercream and Belgian Chocolate sprinkles
3. Callebaut® Chocolate Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting
4. Vanilla Cake with Chocolate Buttercream
5. Vanilla Cake with Vanilla Buttercream and white chocolate shavings
6. Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting
7. Luscious Lemon Drop Cake, featuring a house-made lemon syrup and lemon glaze
8. Carrot Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting

The other flavors offered vary daily, with as many as 15 flavors available some days. Kiss my Bundt also serves brownies, fair trade coffee and tea, and now that the weather has sorta cooled off, homemade hot chocolate.

The shop is very cheery, with a pink, brown and white decor. There were Halloween decorations up, and a Halloween theme to certain of the cakes (i.e. orange-colored frosting and brown and orange sprinkles on some cakes).

Chrysta Wilson, the proprietress and creator of these yummy confections, was at the register when I came in. She offered me samples of "anything and everything." I opted to sample the day's special offerings -- pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting, and pumpkin cake with cinnamon glaze. As I can attest from both the samples and and my later consumption of a mini bundt in each flavor, both were fantastic. The pumpkin cake was moist and not-too-sweet, and both the cream cheese frosting and cinnamon glaze were great complements to the cake. Also, each had the perfect amount of icing/frosting. Enough to satisfy a frosting enthusiast, but not so much that the little cakes were overwhelmed.

I bought several flavors of mini-bundt to try -- I knew my colleagues at work would be more than happy to help me taste test. Aside from the aforementioned pumpkin combos, I bought red velvet with cream cheese frosting, dark chocolate with dark chocolate glaze, and the Halloween-themed vanilla with vanilla buttercream . All were fantastic, with the dark chocolate and red velvet voted the favorites by my co-workers. Like me, they appreciated the frosting/icing to cake ratio. I can't wait to go back and try the other flavors, especially the lemon and carrot, and am looking forward to some hot chocolate when it is a tad cooler.

The verdict: I will happily support this neighborhood gem. The mini-bundts are as good if not better than any cupcake in LA. I suggest you check it out next time a cupcake or sweets craving hits.

Kiss My Bundt Bakery, 8104 West 3rd Street, Los Angeles, CA 90048, (323) 655-0559.